Question about weddings.

BlackParadePixie

If any of you have a sibling or relative that has been married and had to plan a wedding. Any idea how much time they gave themselves to plan the whole thing?
Any input would be super appreciated.

Jake445

BlackParadePixie The last one I went to was planned for three months, got moved because of covid, and then done by a planning company. Probably was expensive to do like that, but it was pretty quick after they had to move it.

BJade

Years 😂

I’d guess the planning is probably a few months, but I’ve known someone who had a wedding a couple of years after they started planning (though think that was more about when they could get the venue and people together they wanted)

Pultost

Most of the married people I know spent at least a few months planning the big day.

BlackParadePixie

ok well we found a really cute place possibly for the weeding and put in a tentative date for late next September. I have 30 days to let them know if I want to keep the date or not. So…is 9/10 months…that should be enough time to plan a wedding, right? fingers crossed

Jake445

BlackParadePixie Should be just fine even if you want to do a big one with the optional church stuff. Having a date early is probably the most important so people can make travel plans, if they need to.

BlackParadePixie

Lol no…no church for me.

Jake445

BlackParadePixie Good that’s usually the worst part tbh

Samantha

Obviously, the earlier the better.

Pro-tip: Make sure everything is walkable OR provide transportation. Some (all?) of your guests may be from out-of-town and they obviously won’t know where they’re going. Combine any alcohol factor and… well…yeah.

Two of the best weddings I’ve been to:
1) Everything was walkable. Go from the airport to the hotel. Park at the hotel. Walk about two blocks to the wedding, another 2-3 blocks to the reception and then back to the hotel.

Compare that to a 5-10 mile drive between the three different locations.

2) The other had provided transportation. The bus left the hotel at whatever time. It went to the wedding. The reception was within walking distance. Obviously, the bus took us all back to the hotel. (I think some of the kids probably slept on the way back.)

If it’s outside…HAVE A PLAN B. The worst you can do is be outside for some wonderful wedding and it rains. That backup plan can be a large party tent or even a nearby building.

Will it be a cash bar? An open bar? Obviously, open bars are better for the guests, but they add to the expense.

If there’s a Friday “welcome lunch” it’s fine to expect your guests to pay for that.

Will the reception be assigned seating or open?

Will you be doing a buffet or having guests select their food months in advance?

Don’t have your guests bring their gifts, but have them send them to your house. Do you really want to take all those gifts home with you? (If you’re doing them, of course. One of the newer things is to have a honeymoon fund.)

And then there’s the rehearsal dinner, another expense.

It’s supposedly an old tradition to have weddings start on the half-hour? Why? It’s considered good luck when the minute hand of the clock goes up when the wedding begins.

https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost

Obvious point is obvious…don’t schedule it when your monthly visit is due.

Samantha

Here’s how I’d do it. The only things I’d make the guests pay for would be the hotel room, the Friday lunch (including associated parking/transportation fees), the after-party and any fun activities they do on their own.

The easier you make it for them and the less they pay once they get on the ground, the more fun they’ll have.

Ultimately, it should be all about you two. There’s no wrong way to do it, but there are definitely some things I would NOT do like having a cash bar and making guests drive all over town from the hotel to the wedding to the reception.

The last thing you want to do is give them down time with no options for activities. Give them a list of favorites. Include any admission fees, hours and age-restrictions or give them QR codes to the organization’s website.

Friday:
11-1pm: Welcome Lunch. Have this at a nice local restaurant. Give your guests a taste of something local. Dress code can be anything from nice t-shirts and shorts/jeans to golf attire. Guests pay for this on their own. This can be a “come as you can” thing. No obligation to stay for the whole thing, except, of course, for the wedding party.

Announce the dress code for the Friday lunch. You don’t really want some people in shirts or crop tops and being underdressed, right?

4pm: Rehearsal. Give your guests a list of nearby favorites so they can be active in the area.

6pm or so: Rehearsal Dinner. All in town are welcome to attend. Have this at a nice place. Dress code should probably be anywhere from golf/office attire to suits for the men.

This will probably go late into the night. You can definitely do some speeches here.

Saturday:
AM: Guests can do fun stuff in the area, sleep in, hang at the hotel pool, etc. Again, this is where the list of activities comes in handy.

4pm. Music starts.
4:30pm: Wedding.

Now here’s where it gets tricky. Do you do photos before the wedding or after? If you do them after, guests should have a cocktail hour. If you do them before, you probably don’t need cocktail hour.

Of course if you do them before, he sees the dress before you walk down the aisle. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING…DO NOT LET HIM SEE THE DRESS BEFORE THE BIG DAY.

After that, dinner, dancing, etc. If you do the DJ, look for ones that have the music on their laptops vs using a cloud service.

The after party can be at the hotel.

Sunday:
A simple brunch somewhere, maybe even at the hotel. Ideally, have it for two hours or so. Guests can come/go as they please. T-shirts and shorts are fine for this.

I’ve also been to some where the guests get a token of appreciation for coming like a bottle of local wine or such.

Another important factor:

Don’t plan to eat much at the dinner. You’ll be busy walking around, greeting everyone, thanking them for coming, etc.

If you use transportation on Saturday, put some snacks in there and maybe some energy drinks.

Maybe even have a stash of healthy snacks nearby after the wedding.

You could seriously go from Saturday breakfast to 10pm and realize you didn’t eat much at all.

BlackParadePixie

Oh wow…yeah! That is all super good advice! Thanks! Some of it a bit specific….and alot of it I’m not even CLOSE to making any decisions on. But yeah… I’ll make sure to keep some of that advice handy 🙂

Samantha

Another thing I’ve seen:

Depending on when the wedding is, you may not want to take the honeymoon immediately. Some people will do a “stay-cation” where they spend a week nearby-ish just to unwind and de-stress. Maybe you have a friend with a cabin on a lake or there’s a campground somewhere, etc.

Then, the real honeymoon comes at a convenient time later on to the exotic location… Hawaii, Mexico, Australia, etc.

As far as wedding night sex goes? Don’t feel like it’s a “must.” If you’re too tired, then get some sleep. Honestly, I feel like it’s from a long time ago when people would save their virginity for when they got married.

If it was me, I’d plan on it, but I also wouldn’t be disappointed if it didn’t happen. It’s a very long day and you gotta be “on your toes” all day with your a-game.

Another tip:
You’re gonna pay a lot for a professional photographer. One thing you may wanna do is have a “phone check” area so that people don’t jump into the aisle to take some photo that won’t be nearly as good as the one the pro takes.

And speaking of phones…make sure you do the announcement to have people set their phones to silent. Save yourself the frustration and save them the embarrassment of when the perfect moment is ruined by BRRRRRIIIIIINGGGGG BRRRRRRIIIIIINGGGG…

BlackParadePixie

oh yeah, more great tips! thanks!! ❤

Samantha

https://www.weddingchicks.com/tips-advice/how-to-pee-in-your-dress-in-6-ways-or-less/

I didn’t say anything when I was looking through someone’s wedding photos, but I swear I saw lines under the dress. A white thong is definitely a smart idea.