Please can someone help me.
I’m almost 17. Have been school friends with D since I was 12. We were on/off boyfriend/girlfriend when we were 12-13 years old but it wasn’t serious or real.
Fast forward to age 14 and I fall for one of D’s close friends H (he is also at school with us) I tell D about my crush and he helps me get to know H. I end up in a very serious two year relationship with H which ends badly (not my decision). D and I drifted apart during this relationship.
However things end with H I receive a message on Snapchat from D asking how I am, telling me that he hopes I’m okay etc. I really appreciate this and we start messaging/snapping each other daily.
After around a month things turned flirty and it became obvious that we fancied each other. We ended up at a party together a month later where we kissed and it felt incredible. He was terrified of being found out though. He knew it would look bad as he was still close friends with H. We both knew we had to keep it secret but after the kiss we started calling each other every night, telling each other we loved each other etc. we both felt we’d end up together but he was still petrified of being found out. I’d stopped caring by this point as my ex had treated me badly at the end and had hooked up with another girl that I’d always been insecure about straight after our split. But I knew D had more to lose as he didn’t want to seem like a terrible friend.
He said he didn’t particular care about H but he cared about the reactions of their mutual friends.
Anyway we ended up at another party a few weeks later. He hugged me as soon as I arrived, told me I looked beautiful but I felt nervous that other people might see as H was also there.
In the end we had an argument as I got drunk and accused him of being too close to another girl. I didn’t behave at my best and the argument really knocked him. He struggled to get over it and we argued several times on the phone and over text over the next week. Eventually he told me we were done and blocked me on social media.
I was gutted but a day later he added me back. He said sorry for handling things so badly. We tried talking again but inevitably we ended up arguing. He told me he loved me and couldn’t bear to keep me on Snapchat etc as it hurt him to even see my name.
Eventually we agreed to go back to being friends. We stopped snapping etc and avoided each other in school. He said he was struggling going from the way things were to going back to being friends.
Fast forward another month or so and I was sick and off school. He messaged me on Snapchat to ask how I was. After that we started messaging and snapping again regularly. We’d talk about homework and school and even though I still had feelings for him I never admitted anything. He was always the first one to message as I didn’t want to annoy him. We ended up even discussing new people that we liked. It hurt to hear that he liked another girl in our year group but I didn’t admit that. I started seeing another boy from our year group, S (not seriously) but things never got off the ground with him and the girl he liked.
Anyway a few weeks ago he messaged me as usual and we started to vaguely flirt. We got a laugh together and it was really nice. This was a Monday night. On the Tuesday he was snapping me back much more rapidly than usual. On the Wednesday at school I caught him staring at me in the dinner hall. He didn’t look away when I caught his eye, it felt like he was staring into my soul. That night he left my snap on open. The next day he lost our streak. I didn’t message him to question it as I was out with my friends but on the Saturday he suddenly blocked me on Snapchat without explanation. He then went on to block me on every social media platform. I was sick, devastated. I ended things with S as I realised I still had such strong feelings for D.
I am still so hurt that after 5 years of friendship and everything we have gone through he would just block me without a reason? We hadn’t been arguing, we’d been getting on so much better than in a long time. Why did he do it? It’s been three weeks now and I’m still blocked. I’ve cried multiple times over it and just wish he’d tell me why. We have so many mutual friends and I could reach out to ask why but I can’t bring myself to. And I honestly think he thinks I probably don’t care as I haven’t reacted as far as he can tell.
We are currently off school on study leave so I haven’t seen him. I miss him so much.
