My boyfriend made a save in a football game. That’s how I knew he was a keeper.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project. I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

Why did the eggs all break? Because they cracked each other up.

What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield! Ta Da!

17 young women were waiting outside a club. Why? Because you have to be 18 to get in….

When cows go on a date, where do they go? They go to the “moo-viues”! Ta Da!

What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday? He called it a day

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Sorry, that’s a hardware problem.

What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.

How do trees get in Teen Hut? They log in! Ta-Da!

“Grandpa, grandpa! Are you going to watch the game!” Grandpa: “Who’s playing?” Grandson: “Austria-Hungary” Grandpa: “Against who?”

Tell a Joke

BJade

My aunty is Indian, German and a terrible human being. She’s the curry wurst.

KaraZor-El

English is a tricky language. You accidentally switch a letter or add one and you urine the whole sentence.

BJade

Cabinets: what are they hiding?

Tables: are they really furniture – or just more floor on stilts?

Miki

A Polish immigrant goes to the optician for an eye exam. The optician pointed to a board with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
“Can you read this?” the optician asked.
“Read this?!” the Polish man replies, “I work with this guy!”

Pultost

How do you get a one-armed Swede down from a tree?

Wave at him…

BJade

I failed RE. Couldn’t believe it when I found out. I was like: “Oh Jason Christ!”

Miki

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? “Please come again”

Pultost

Women are the best builders. Once they touch the stones, the tower will rise.

Miki

Nice beaver

Pultost

Miki “Thanks, I had it stuffed this morning”

(Wrong thread, though 🙂 )

Miki

yeah sorry working with a broken screen

Pultost

Miki Don’t worry. Shit happens. 🙂

Back on track:

Have any of you guys seen Stevie Wonder’s wife?
Neither has he….

Miki

What is the scientific/medical name for Viagra?
Mycoxaflopin

Pultost

My boyfriend took a Viagra pill by accident. He’s taking it pretty hard.

Miki

Why did the lizard feel bad after spending the night with his girlfriend

Because he had a reptile dysfunction

BJade

How do you know that Edinburgh is the most haunted city in the UK?

You measure it with a spirit level.

Miki

What is the main difference between a remote and a G-spot? My boyfriend will make his best effort to search for the remote.

BJade

The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati

BJade

My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, she came up with the idea, I ran with it.

KaraZor-El

Sex with three people is a threesome and sex with four people is a foursome…… huh I guess that makes me handsome.

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