My boyfriend made a save in a football game. That’s how I knew he was a keeper.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project. I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

Why did the eggs all break? Because they cracked each other up.

What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield! Ta Da!

17 young women were waiting outside a club. Why? Because you have to be 18 to get in….

When cows go on a date, where do they go? They go to the “moo-viues”! Ta Da!

What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday? He called it a day

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Sorry, that’s a hardware problem.

What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.

How do trees get in Teen Hut? They log in! Ta-Da!

“Grandpa, grandpa! Are you going to watch the game!” Grandpa: “Who’s playing?” Grandson: “Austria-Hungary” Grandpa: “Against who?”

Tell a Joke

BJade

I was asked my opinion on a Möbius strip

It’s hard to decide which side I’m on, but it’s mostly a one sided argument

Pultost

I used to be addicted to soap operas, but I’m clean now.

KaraZor-El

If I have my grandma on speed dial, is it considered Instagram?

KaraZor-El

Five ants who are renting an apartment doubles their number of roommates.

They are tenants.

Pultost

“Does your husband have any special skills?”, a woman asked another.
“Well, yeah”, she replied. “He imitates animals”.
“Really? How so?”
“He works like a horse, eats like a pig, and is horny as a rabbit!”

helmetdelightful

15% of boys think their penis is small. The remaining 85% think the ruler is broken.

Miki

Hope nobody is offended just think its funny

Here are some of the many ways that one can use the word “fuck”:

Fuck you! — An expression of contempt.

Fuck off! — Telling someone to leave you alone.
This is so fucking cool! — An adjective to add emphasis to your exclamation.

You fucking moron. — An adjective to add emphasis to your insult.

What the fuck? — A way to express disbelief or confusion.

I love fucking. — An alternative verb for saying “to have sex”.

I’d love to fuck him (or her). — Yet another way to say you want to have sex with someone.

What a good fuck that was. — A way to describe a great sex session.

He (or she) was a great fuck. — An noun to describe someone who is good at sex.

You are a fuck [fuckhead/fucktard]. — A way to describe someone as a total idiot or jerk.

You little fucker. — A way to tell someone that he or she is a mischievous or crafty person.

Sit the fuck down, and shut the fuck up! — A way to add emphasis to someone’s actions.

Fucking, Austria. — A town in Austria.

Holy fuck! You guys rock! — A way to express surprise and joy.

Fuck yea! — A way to express satisfaction or happiness.

Fuck! — A way to express anger, disgust, or shock.

All in all, “fuck” is one of the most versatile words in the English language, and it is by far my favorite one.

Use it wisely.

KaraZor-El

Miki
Fuck yea xD

Miguel-Angel

Miki Interesting english lesson. We use the spanish word for fuck in different ways too

KaraZor-El

Where do mathematicians spend New Year’s Eve?

Times Square

Pultost

A farmer surprised a few burglars one night, and managed to lock them inside the barn. He called the police, gave them the name and address, and told them that he had trapped three burglars in his barn.
“I’m sorry, sir”, the police replied. “We don’t have the resources right now. Have a good evening”. CLICK.
The farmer thought about it, and ten minutes later, he called them back. “Hey, it’s me again. Forget the burglars, I just killed them all. Have a good night”. CLICK.
Shortly after, the place was crawling with cops. They opened the barn, where they found the burglars alive and well. “I thought you said you killed them all?”, the leader said. The farmer shrugged. “I thought you said you didn’t have any resources…..”

KaraZor-El

Do you wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket?
No?
FINE.

Pultost

How come when a woman is pregnant, everybody rubs her stomach and says congratulations, but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

Beau

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil
…😑
I’ll see myself out

KaraZor-El

Studies have continually shown that the biggest cause of dry skin is a towel.

KaraZor-El

Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.

This is the fifth one I’ve been to today that says “Insufficient Funds.”

Sabrina

A man boards and airplane and sits next to a very attractive young woman.

After a couple of minutes the girl sneezes, and rather than wipe her nose with her tissue she instead reaches between her legs.

The man is initially too embarrassed to say anything, but after the third time witnessing this, he quietly leans over and asks: “Is everything alright?”

The girl blushes, and whispers: “I’m sorry, but I have a rare condition that whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”

“Whoa!” the man exclaims, “That’s pretty serious. What do you take for it?”

The girl looks at the man, and quietly replies: “Pepper.”

KaraZor-El

I accidentally glued myself to my autobiography.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

KaraZor-El

Just got that Orion’s Belt I ordered. Not impressed… three stars.

KaraZor-El

Three golf clubs walked into a bar. The putter says, “I’ll order a tequila.” The wedge says, “beer please.” Bartender turned to the third and it says, “nothing for me. I’m the driver.”

« Previous Page Next Page »