My boyfriend made a save in a football game. That’s how I knew he was a keeper.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project. I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

Why did the eggs all break? Because they cracked each other up.

What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield! Ta Da!

17 young women were waiting outside a club. Why? Because you have to be 18 to get in….

When cows go on a date, where do they go? They go to the “moo-viues”! Ta Da!

What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday? He called it a day

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Sorry, that’s a hardware problem.

What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.

How do trees get in Teen Hut? They log in! Ta-Da!

“Grandpa, grandpa! Are you going to watch the game!” Grandpa: “Who’s playing?” Grandson: “Austria-Hungary” Grandpa: “Against who?”

Tell a Joke

KaraZor-El

Falcons_11D What is a pessimist’s blood type?
B-Negative

I need an infusion of B-Positive. 🫢

BJade

An Olympic runner adopted 3 kids named Seth, Mark, and Onya.
One day there was a fire and he shouted, “ONYA, MARK, GET SETH AND GO.”

KaraZor-El

I just learned one of the Italian gymnasts is doing ads for cheese now. She must be so grateful.

Miki

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta

Pultost

Some people are like old TVs. They need to get slapped a few times to get the picture.

Miki

What do you call a boy with a two-inch penis? Justin.

KaraZor-El

Julie Andrews had some lip gloss that resulted in bad breath. Her super colored fragile lipstick gave her halatosis.

BJade

My desire to spontaneously sing ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’ is always just a whim away.

BJade

I recently read 10% of sheep are gay – turns out there’s nowt so queer as flock.

Miki

What’s a llama’s favourite movie? "Alpaca-lypse Now

Falcons_11D

What did they give the person who invented the door knocker?

The “Nobel” Prize!

Ta-Da!

BJade

The Romans invented Vaseline.

Or was it Ancient Grease?

Miki

Why dont blind people bungee jump?

Because it scares the crap out of their dog

BJade

My aunty is Indian, German and a terrible human being. She’s the curry wurst.

KaraZor-El

English is a tricky language. You accidentally switch a letter or add one and you urine the whole sentence.

BJade

Cabinets: what are they hiding?

Tables: are they really furniture – or just more floor on stilts?

Miki

A Polish immigrant goes to the optician for an eye exam. The optician pointed to a board with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
“Can you read this?” the optician asked.
“Read this?!” the Polish man replies, “I work with this guy!”

Pultost

How do you get a one-armed Swede down from a tree?

Wave at him…

BJade

I failed RE. Couldn’t believe it when I found out. I was like: “Oh Jason Christ!”

Miki

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? “Please come again”

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