My boyfriend made a save in a football game. That’s how I knew he was a keeper.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project. I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

Why did the eggs all break? Because they cracked each other up.

What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield! Ta Da!

17 young women were waiting outside a club. Why? Because you have to be 18 to get in….

When cows go on a date, where do they go? They go to the “moo-viues”! Ta Da!

What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday? He called it a day

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Sorry, that’s a hardware problem.

What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.

How do trees get in Teen Hut? They log in! Ta-Da!

“Grandpa, grandpa! Are you going to watch the game!” Grandpa: “Who’s playing?” Grandson: “Austria-Hungary” Grandpa: “Against who?”

Tell a Joke

Pultost

Women are the best builders. Once they touch the stones, the tower will rise.

Miki

Nice beaver

Pultost

Miki “Thanks, I had it stuffed this morning”

(Wrong thread, though 🙂 )

Miki

yeah sorry working with a broken screen

Pultost

Miki Don’t worry. Shit happens. 🙂

Back on track:

Have any of you guys seen Stevie Wonder’s wife?
Neither has he….

Miki

What is the scientific/medical name for Viagra?
Mycoxaflopin

Pultost

My boyfriend took a Viagra pill by accident. He’s taking it pretty hard.

Miki

Why did the lizard feel bad after spending the night with his girlfriend

Because he had a reptile dysfunction

BJade

How do you know that Edinburgh is the most haunted city in the UK?

You measure it with a spirit level.

Miki

What is the main difference between a remote and a G-spot? My boyfriend will make his best effort to search for the remote.

BJade

The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati

BJade

My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, she came up with the idea, I ran with it.

KaraZor-El

Sex with three people is a threesome and sex with four people is a foursome…… huh I guess that makes me handsome.

Pultost

A guy calls his wife from work. “Hey, honey! Did the mailman come yet?”
“Not yet!”, the wife replies. “But it’s only a matter of time, as he’s breathing heavily!”

Miki

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and decides to get an ice cream while the car is getting repaired. Because he has to use his flippers to hold the spoon, he is having a hard time eating and ends up covered with melted ice cream. When returning to the shop, the mechanic looks at him and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin replies, “No, it is just ice cream!”

BJade

British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in the pub?

Miki

How do you find blind men on a nudist beach? It’s usually not hard at all!

Pultost

Superman was flying around when he spotted Wonder Woman lying butt naked on her back on a rooftop, getting some sun. The sight of her made him horny, and he figured that if he used his super speed, he could just fly down and make it quick. He flew down, went along with his plan, and, satisfied, he flew away.
“What the hell was THAT??”, Wonder Woman exclaimed.
“I dunno”, the invisible man replied. “But my ass hurts like hell!”

BJade

I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back.

Miki

Each sperm carries 760 mb of DNA Info, there is at least 80 million sperms per load, this means at least 60.8 trillion mb of info per load
Thats a lot of information to swallow

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